Thursday, January 18th, 2007
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1:30 pm - something fun
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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
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5:11 pm - Happy days are here again...lol
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Another entry. Big stuff today. Mostly I am just bored and really cannot do anything. The weather was really beautiful today. To have a sunny day in December in Pennsylvania truly is a blessing. The snow is all melted and you can see the grass. I really wanted to go outside and take petie for a walk today, but unfortunatly I am having a struggle with the lady parts today. Those days are back again! I do have to say that medicine did really help for a while. I am just not sure I want to go back to having the pain but I really do not have a lot of a choice you know? It's been horrible today. Usually I can sit down and it will stop hurting but today it has not. I go to the doctors on the 22nd to see what he has to say about it all. So excited to see him again(sarcasm!) lol I'm sure he will just put me back on the pill and give me a perscription for a "stronger" aleve. Took one of those today. Not really helping though! If you press on my abdomen in the area where the pain is you can literally feel a hard spot where the pain is from the tension it is causing. OUCH! Okay well I think I am going to go. Time to go find my friend the heating pad! YAAY how I missed him! lol
current mood:  sore
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Monday, December 4th, 2006
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11:39 am - RIP little shelties
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At work we have this couple that sends us pictures of their four shelties for most of the holidays. They are the cutest pictures you have ever seen. Pictures of them dressed in easter dresses for easter with little hands with bibles in them or hymns and last christmas they were dressed in little sweaters and jeans with feet, their hands with sticks and/or cups in front of the fire. Just absolutely adorable. I think it was last halloween or maybe it was this one they sent us their first picture with only three dogs in it(the wizard of oz) The one little baby had passed away. Well...we got two cards from them, though the first picture has all three, the other picture they have with the owners and the one last little lonely dog. The other three have passed away. It brought tears to all of our eyes at work. We always look forward to the wonderful little pictures of these little buddies dressed for the holiday. Such sweet little dogs who had blessed us with their presence at least once at our clinic. So this entry I dedicate to them. And the one last lonely dog. The last dog is left with his little old man and old woman. Bless these wonderful little dogs who brought so much joy to everyone around them with just one little picture :)
current mood: sad
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Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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8:01 pm - Diary of a mad black woman.
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I love this movie. If you have never seen it I would definitely reccomend it.
Watching it I thought to myself. Why is it that we distrust those who have never given us a reason to, and always trust those who have hurt us so easily? This kinda makes me think we just set ourselves up for disaster from the beginning.
Another part of this movie that I do love is how she beats the crap out of her ex...Not that this is what I have in mind...It is just that he deserved it so much and I think good for her for doing it to him!
I have spent most of the day veging on the couch. I think I am getting sick... Guess Robin gave me an extra present to bring back with me! lol
Things that I do not understand: Why am I not angry at dana? Why do I miss him so much? What the hell am I doing with my life? Am I destined to turn into my mother? Why did my mother never try to improve herself? Why do I constantly obsess over these questions?
And these are only a few things that I have been pondering.
Okay well i gotta go...I meant to write more...
current mood: sick
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Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
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5:15 pm - Nomidget monday...
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Last night...the midget was on vacation. Like Rizza said midgets deserve vacations too! :( lol I am still a little dissapointed. But still had a decent time.
the night started off when I met Kellie, HP, Jaime, Ted(Jaime's husband) and Andy(Ted's brother) at work and we headed downtown for din din. We ended up going to Bar Loie the place with the best chocolate martinis in the world. When Dana and I first moved down to the city we went to the one at the waterfront with my one friend from school and her husband. Dana and I spent $50 on martinis! lol It was a bit much but they were delisiouse! Anyho...we had a great dinner. I had the best chicken salad I have ever had in my life...and of course a chocolate dream! All night long Andy was cracking on me for my chocolate dream...but he always called it a chocolate bomb! lol Kellie was text messaging me during dinner telling me to go for Andy!lol We were sitting right by each other by the way...me and kellie! lol Andy did seem like a nice guy...I may have to talk to Jaime about hanging out more.
After dinner we headed to Casey's for the midget. Kellie and HP headed back home because HP forgot her ID but were going to meet us at caseys later. We were so dissapointed when we found out the midget was not in...like I said in the beginning he was on vacation. We were not the only ones dissapointed though...there were a ton of people there bitching about no midget monday. My friend Michael did meet us at caseys which was nice...and he bought all my drinks! We played darts and me and Andy beat ted and jaime. I carried the team of course! lol TB arrived in style...and we headed to the Locker room...to try and see heinz ward of course! TB insists she saw him but I only caught a butt view. She would know though he is her pretend husband after all. The locker room is not a bad bar...they played a lot of my fav music...and K rizzle dizzle came out to join in the celebration.Unfortunatly HP and Kellie never made it back...Kellie hit a deer on her way back to caseys. Her and HP are okay...but kellie's car not so much :( Rizzle Dizzle gave me a ride back to my car...because i had rode down town with kellie. He and I had a nice chat on the way back about just a bunch of stuff....you know life and its crazy ride. Made me love my boss even more! lol
Overall it did turn out to be a pretty good birthday celebration. I did what I liked the most...hung out with great friends. It may have seemed boring to some but that was all i really needed this year. Maybe next year for the wild and crazy times! lol It must have been a bad night for deer though because I almost hit some on my way home too! They were on a main busy stream of highway too...
current mood: disappointed
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Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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1:27 pm - Greetings from Raleigh
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Just wanted to say hi and let everyone know how things are going. My flights went pretty well. I had a little trouble finding my gate for my lay over but got it all taken care of before it was time to board. Raleigh has a really nice airport. I was not too thrilled with the one in Georgia(that is where I had my layover.) Sunday I have a lay over in cincinatti. I was going to wear my steelers shirt but who knows i might get beat up for something like that in Ohio! lol I did get a little scared coming into Raleigh...I guess the winds were a little bad so they had to circle a little bit.
I have been having a pretty great time so far. Seeing my cousin Robin and her kids is really great. They are all really beautiful children and so well behaved. They make life interesting that is for sure. Robin makes the whole mom thing look easy! lol Tonight her and I are going on a little dinner date to kinda get out and have our own little time together. She is really looking forward to it and I am as well. I guess having children really makes you value your own time. I guess in a way we sometimes take that for granted. I love it here though. Yesteday we had a beautiful day the sun was out it was in the 70's. I told Robin I was not sure what that big bright thing in the sky was! lol
Tomorrow we are having a little thing for the kids in the back yard. kinda a late halloween celebration...should be fun. And then Robin and I are going cropping which should be good. It is nice to finally get to know my cousin a little more. We have always just been so far apart in age range it is nice to finally get to know one another.
I have not put too much thought into my everyday dilema at home(dana). He did actually send me a text message asking how my flight was. I am not sure really what to think about the whole situation. Talking to Robin about it helps a little. She makes me see certain things that I try to avoid sometimes...like the fact that I may just have to deal...and I do want a wonderful man to marry...a man who should treat me the way I deserve. Whether that is Dana or not...well I guess I will figure out in time.
people take advantage of this mood at the top...hasnt been this way for a while! lol
Well gtg. Take care
current mood:  content
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Friday, October 27th, 2006
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1:07 pm - get ready time
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Yesterday I went to the Tom savini haunted house with Kellie. It freaking rocked. It was kinda like a work of art if that makes sense. I guess you kinda have to be into that sort of stuff to understand. They had this video playing of all the movies he has worked on and I saw all the scenes from Creepshow that my dad always says. Yeah I realized even more that my family is strange! lol I love my daddy! And I saw the cake from the father's day scene. Every fathers day my dad says the part where it is like "it's father's day badilia(but he says dani) where's my cake." I really do think it was one of the best haunted houses I have ever been to. The characters were great and the make up on them was awsome. There were themes going along with the different movies he did. We met up with these girls that were going in and asked them if they would come in our group so we had a bigger group. The one girl was talking things up the whole time outside saying how her friend was going to be scared and she better watch out...and once we got in there she was the biggest chicken! It was kinda funny. I was so proud of Kellie. She made it through and did not pee her pants once...not even a dribble!
I talked to Dana this morning on the phone. He is moving into a new apartment. I am happy for him because now he will not have to drive so far to work, which will get him so much more sleep. He has been working a lot lately because the one girl is out because she is having problems with her pregnancy. I am so sad though because he is moving out of our little shack. It is like he is moving on in a way. And if that is what he needs to make him happy than I am okay with it...it just hurts. He deserves to be happy though.
It was so nice talking to him. We talked for almost an hour. he even called me back after he got a call from his boss. I don't know. I am so confused about everything. I know that I love this man like no other. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I do think it is good that we have this time apart because at least we are figuring out some stuff about ourselves that I think we need. I just hope that one day we can find our way back to one another. And I know if it is meant to be that will happen. Life is so complicated. I'm glad we can still talk. I hope it stays that way no matter what does end up happening.
So today I have to pack and get some stuff for my trip. I got an email from my cousin robin the other day. Her husband hurt his achilies and has to have surgery this friday. So he will probably be homebound for a while. So we might not get to do as much as we had hoped to. She is still going to try and get a babysitter so we can go out friday night. I am kinda okay with it all though. Hey at least I will get to see Denny more now. He is a great guy. I am so glad she found him. Another positive quality about him...he used to want to be a veterinarian. How in the hell can you not love a man who wanted to do that? lol Well I guess as long as you are me. I can't wait to see the kids and spend some time with Robin. I am so glad that we have been able to develope more of a relationship. She is a great big cousin! It really feels so good to be excited about something. I have been so down lately. I am so glad to get away and get to see family. I do not know when I became such a family oriented person...I think it means I am getting old! lol
Another off the subject comment...I GOT OFF FOR THANKGIVING!!! In my job this is a pure gift. It probably means I will be working all christmas holiday...but at least I get thanksgiving. I think thanksgiving is better anyway right now for me. I have really come to love that holiday. Because it is basically all about family and spending time with them. And no matter how crazy they all are it is nice to see them and spend time with them. Even though there is always some sort of Drama and chaos.
I talked to my uncle Ed yesterday. He has been meaning to call me since everything happened with Dana. It was nice talking to him. He apparently sent me a book about relationships...well he sent it home with Aunt Bonnie when she came back from visiting him in August. He said he should have known better to do that!lol I agree! lol It is Bonnie after all. She has been to my parents several times since she has gotten back. So it is not like she could not have dropped it off. I kinda want to get it...he said it was a good book and at this point I'm sure anything would help! lol My mom is supposed to go to her graduation today so maybe she will get it. I was invited but it was choosing between her graduation or going out with Michael for his birthday. Is that bad? I mean I just cannot bring myself to see her right now. I am kinda salty because she made all these nasty comments when Dana and I broke up. Family is supposed to support one another not joy in their unsuccessfulness and sorrow.
I should probably get going. My mom is going with me to the store and she should be home from therapy soon. I need to pack and shop and all that and then I am going out with my friend Michael for his birthday. It should be interesting...
current mood: excited
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Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
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7:50 am - haunted houses
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The weekend was a little crazy. Work was a bit tense. Monday night was a relief because it was not as chaotic or as tense. Poor Rogan(dr. Rexford's dog) had to be prepped for his surgery Tuesday morning. :( I love that dog. He was getting his elbows scoped and fixed if needed and then getting the boys chopped off. We called Mo today and he made it through pretty good.
Tonight I went to a haunted house with Kdawg, Heather, Melissa and her bf adam. It was Temple of Terror at the Syria Moscue(Sp?). I guess this was the first year they had it. I did not enjoy it so much. We are going again on Thursday to a different haunted house. It is the Tom Savini one at Century Three Mall. Tom Savini is a well known special effects and make up guy. If you have ever seen the movie from dusk til dawn...he was the guy with the gun for the penis...and he did the make up for that movie. I am super duper excited!
Tomorrow and Friday I have to work on packing and taking care of some things before I leave for Raliegh. I am leaving the 31st and coming back on the 5th. I am so excited! I really need to get away and I cannot wait to see and talk to my cousin Robin! I'm also excited because I am sure the weather there will be so much warmer than here! lol
I also need to pick up a new outfit for the 6th. We are going to Casey's brew house down in the south side for my bday. I am super excited. But because I am leaving I am not going to be able to get anything so now is the only time I have for it. So I have a lot to look forward in the next couple weeks. Neen if you read this...i kinda need to ask your advice on something.
current mood: excited
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Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
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8:39 am - checkin in
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Just checkin in to let everyone know I'm still alive! lol Been kinda sick the past week so been taking it pretty easy. Still taking things one day at a time. I think moving home though may be good in some ways. I have a lot of my old friends back here. I already had a night out with my friend Travis and Clinton. Travy and I are going to try and hang out again this friday...which i am super psyched about. So hopefully things will move along. My heart still aches. I am looking forward to going to Raleigh. I cannot wait to go there. I think being there with Robin will really help me feel a lot better. Well just wanted to put in a little update...gotta get goin. I gotta get up in a couple hours and I have not slept..it is okay though because I have been sleeping a ton since I have been sick. Take care! Hope all are well!
current mood: hopeful
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Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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3:28 am - GRRR
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We had another girls night out. Thursday this time because I had to work a half shift friday night. Of course this one was drama filled because we actually had men we were not really meaning to meet there. And on the way out Kellie and I got caught up in bar fight....Kdawg got a jacked up ankle...I busted a rib...well it is probably just bruised, but it feels horrible. This one guy threw another into me and Kellie walking out so I got slammed into a bar table.
I have been doing good...but then Dana starts. Friday morning at 4am he starts text messaging me saying I took his stuff. And instead of being like do you know where this and that is he was like did you take this....or you took this and you took that. It really pissed me off! I do not deserve to be treated this way. And i told him that. And I told him that I am not that kind of person. I am pissed and I am angry but I am not going to go stealing his shit or burning or throwing it out the window because I do care about him...and I would not like him to do it to me. I told him he is the one who started all this so he does not need to be treating me like this. And he said I was flipping out for no reason...but he could have looked for stuff before he started accusing me of taking things. They were all there in the house. Most of them were right out in the open for him to find. So....I dont know..everytime I start making steps in the right direction I take like three back because he starts stuff like this.
And then today. I was okay. But then...he text messaged me. Sent me a message saying whats up just wanted to say hi. What the hell is that? Why? It has been a month. He has not had time for me. And now all the sudden when I am trying to move on and trying to put some sort of stability in my life...he does this. It is so not fair.
I wish sometimes that I could be like him and just turn it all off...because it just hurts so bad. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME? GRRRRR
Sorry this is really short but I am at work and am supposed to be working...lol woops...
current mood:  frustrated
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Monday, September 18th, 2006
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6:34 pm - Man haters night part 2
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Oh geeze where to start where to start.
Friday I went out with the girls again. We had man haters night part two! lol We had a lot of fun. Although kellie was kinda like I am not really sure we can consider it a man haters night if we weren't exactly hating the men....She was referring to her danc partner all night...and this guy I had danced with a couple times. And oh jesus pete...Carlos was there. Thank God he did not see me. He was too busy off trying to get his newest conquest. Tanya danced with some olf guy! lol It was her being her funny self...and when I say old I mean like 80ish...I told her when he was walking away from the dance floor that I thought he was going to have a heart attack because he was grabbing his chest between his two man boobies! lol I was pretty proud of myself...I managed to bust a move in the break dance circle. One thing not so cool about the break dance circle...the one break dance guy! Yeah after the circle was over they tried the whole dancing thing with me again, but they were a little too forward for me. We had a great time though. Kellie and her friend Melissa(who she calls Rella for some reason) met these guys they used to go to HS with. They were really nice guys. THe one offered to give us a ride home because Rella was saying how she thought Kellie was too drunk to drive. Kellie was honestly fine. But I think Rella just wanted the one guy to give her a ride home so she pulled out the pouty face and a little tearage! It was a bit pathetic. The even sader thing is she has aboyfriend. And on the way home Rella made calls to just about everyone in her phone but her man. How do things like that happen? Girls like that get bf's who really care about them, but they only partially care about their bf's. And then girls like me....well they care a whole big bunch...and look what happens.
So today my dad is supposed to get my uncle's truck and we are supposed to move the rest of my stuff out and up to my parent's house. The fact that it is now almost 7pm though and my dad is not here...not looking so well. By the time he gets here it will be dark...and then what will we do? It is reallly going to take a lot for me not to go crazy moving in with those two. I guess I should just be glad it gave me time to sleep. I did not go to bed until late today because I was on the phone.....:)
As for Dana...He sent me a text message saying we were going to talk today or tomorrow because he is off. YEah I have not heard from him since. I really wish that He would get his shit together right now because I really do not have the time to be folling around with his bullshit. I need to get the bills taken care of. He is becoming a pain in my ass. Cause tomorrow...I have to work. You watch he will call tomorrow probably when I am at work. I am getting a little sick of the whole avoidance thing. I mean I realize he needs his time and his space....but this is a little overtime. I am getting a little pissed. I really do not know what the hell is going on with him. He is like a completely different person anymore.
Eventually when I get a chance...I will try and upload some of the pics from our man haters night onto here somehow. Thursday night we are going out again. I really am having a lot of fun with my girls! Thursday this girl from work Melissa might be coming out with us. I am so freaking excited because Melissa and I have SOOO much fun. You get a little iced coffee in us and we are set! lol There is a little dicrepency with where we are going though. Kellie and I made some new friends and they were supposed to go out with us, but now...they are saying they don't like the place we were planning on going to...so I don't know what exactly is going on there. Hopefully we figure it out before then! lol Well I better get going. Hopefully my dad will be here soon with the truck. THis is turning into a really big mess. Maybe it is a sign! lol God is like no not going back to the parents! lol
current mood: frustrated
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Thursday, September 14th, 2006
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8:51 pm - :(
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SO I slept most of the day away. I really do not want to pack. And right before I woke up I had this great dream about Dana. It hurts. It hurts having these wonderful dreams where everything is okay and then I wake up and he is not there. I just really feel horrible right now. Why couldnt he have just loved me? Why couldnt he of at least broken up with me if he wanted to? Why did he have to do it all this way? I really feel like crap. And there is still so much more here I need to do, but I just don't have the energy for it. I am sad....
current mood: sad
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(comment on this)
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10:51 am - oh geeze
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Your mind is delving even deeper into many of the same issues that concern you on a daily basis. Unfortunately, overactive thinking may not lead anywhere constructive as you mull over a situation, arriving again and again at the same frustrating place. But all is not lost, as hopeful dreams create an escape route from the darkness and bring new tools to transform negativity into great potential.
This is my horiscope for the day....and what I say to it. Fuck you horiscope! lol
I have been avoiding packing my scrap book stuff up for the past couple days because I knew it would hurt a lot. I have a ton of doubles and things I wanted to go through and leave for Dana. I doubt he will even care but whatever. It was such a bad idea for today. I spent the past half hour crying on the shower floor. I am so mad at him. Why can't he just be a great guy and love me? I am so afraid that I am never going to ever find someone who really loves me. I mean really loves me. Loves me for me the person I am instead of money or what i can give to them, or the hanky panky or any of those crappy shitting things. It is fine to love me for my smile and my sweet dance moves but you have to actually love me. I really thought that I had finally found that in Dana. I thought that finally someone really saw me for just little old me. I'm not sure I will ever find that person in my life. I have spent the past 24 years of my life searching. And I do not just mean a man...I mean anyone. I dont know. I am obviously having a bad day...need to make another move in the twelve step program!! lol
I am thinking about getting my hair cut...if i can afford it. At first I was growing it because Dana liked it long and then I was growing it longer for our wedding because iwanted it to be beautiful for it. Now I am thinking about cutting it. I have never had my hair this long though...I do think i might need some bangs though. This big old forhead cannot have no bangs. Suggestions are welcome. I gotta go though. I think I need a nap before my eyes swell shut! lol
current mood: sad
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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4:24 pm - Case of the ex
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I had a nice little chat with Dana today! lol I called him the other day because I need to get the bills straightened out and I wanted him to call me about it. So he called today. I was half asleep when he called because I worked all night. He basically did not give any help at all with the bills because basically he is not going to even try and change a thing. You would think he would have thought the whole situation through before he took the time to call me. Anyhow. So I told him how He is treating me like dirt and I deserve better and he asked how so and I told him how it is crap that I have to go through all of our shit and figure out what is going to be done with what and he said I did not have to pack his things. And I said well that was fine I wasnt going to but the problem is I have to filter through all of his shit when getting mine...because all our shit is together and it is unfair because he is not dealing with any of this...and he is the one who is off fucking other people...that was about the time he hung up on me.lol Yeah. So I called him back and left a message telling him this shit need to be dealt with and that he needs to deal with it. Me saying things like there are some things he is going to have to start dealing with because it is the truth. And I also said I want to get these things taken care of because I am going to be leaving...and not just leaving this house but going away for a while. He does not need to know where I am going. (which informs you about the trip to Raliegh! Yaay. I guess my mom said Robin already has lots of fun planned for us! ) I am not the one who backed out of this relationship I am not the one who is off sleeping with other people. I am the one who promised to spend the rest of my life with him and actually meant it. And I am sure there are plenty of people out there that he is telling horrid stories about me to...but the first thing any of my friends say is that does not sound like dana...or that sound out of dana's character...which is good because at least they are supportive that way and they remind me that I was not entirely stupid for putting my hopes in to the likes of him.
It does bother me sometimes too though because after all he is the one doing this. He is the one who left and he is the one who is already banging someone else. He is the one who is probably already off having a new relationship when he has not even finished the one he was previously in. And the way he did it. He was not even brave enough to say Danielle I want to break up with you, he pussy footed around it for three weeks of our life which made the blow even worse. And then he tells everyone he is just doing what is best for me!!!! I dont think so I understand that he is going through a rough time. My whole problem is it is hard to see that when you spent four years of your life with a person and just instantaniously they are already screwing someone else when they have not even dealt with the issues they need to deal with in their old relationship. It makes me feel like my entire relationship with him was a lie...and God knows i have had enough of those assholes in my life already. It is hard to be sympathetic to a person when shit like this is going on. I still love him dearly. Which makes me feel even more like an idiot because I feel like I let him walk all over me. I think I might have reached a little bit of the anger stage! lol which is a bit good because at least it means I am moving forward.
My whole problem with this whole situation is that there is so much I keep blamming myself and I really need to start doing that. I need to stop because I did not do anything wrong...at least this is what people keep telling me. Like now I think back to the call and I kinda feel bad...but you know it is the truth. I dont feel bad about the dirt part because he needs to hear that I just feel bad about me saying him fucking other people, but it is the truth. He told me so himself. I don't know. THere is nothing I can do about it now. And at least I got some of that off my chest!
I am staying here at least until monday. That way I can get the rest of this shit packed. My mom and dad came today and gor some of the stuff I did already have packed. SHelly brought me a bunch of boxes last night and Dr griffen is bringing me some tomorrow morning. I should have enough to pack the whole house up...probably literally because it is so small! lol Then whatever I dont use Dana can use or whatever. Am I wrong to be mad. The one thing I really do not want to do is end up hating him. Because I really love him dearly. I know he has done some bad shit but I dont want to hate him. Hate consumes a person and I dont want that in my heart! I am just a bit angry right now. It will pass. I just need some simmer down time. lol I do still kinda want to be friends. He did give me great advice. And now...I can feel more inclined to not take his advice if I chose not to! lol Oh well I need to get some more sleep before I have to work tonight. I have had a couple hours here and there but everyeone keeps interrupting my damn sleep!! Damn these people!
current mood:  accomplished
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
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10:29 am - baaaah
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Today would be what I like to call one of my bad days. Look at this I sound like I am in a 12 step program. I do not think I have made any steps yet though. This is going to be so hard. I dont even want to go through it.
I really dont want to have to be single again. I never get guys like all those other girls in the world. :( It took me long enough to find Dana and I thought he would be my life. At this rate I am going to be getting married I would say oh about the time I have 50...which def counts out the kids! lol Why did he do this?
I am a sad girl today...
current mood: lonely
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(comment on this)
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3:44 am - quickie
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God I really miss him :( Why can't I just turn this off? Why do I have to miss him so very much? WHY?
current mood: sad
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1:36 am - random nothingness
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Here are a couple reflections from my little brain. None of which may have anything to do with one another.
first we'll start off with who we have been lately. Dana. So. More than likely from the information I have he was possible cheating on me before he broke up with me. Which I do not know for sure, and he probably would not even tell me if I asked. Why do people do that. I mean already he has ruined everything why not just tell me the fucking truth and get it overwith....but that is not my point. My point is. When All this started the first thing out of most of the people I tolds mouth was "Do you think he is cheating on you?" and me....what did I say? Each time I said it a different way but it still was the same. No not dana. He would never do that. I know him...he would never do that. Yeah I feel like a fucking fool now. I told people that. He said shit and acts like I am a horrible person who never trusted him or something...and here I was telling everyone he would never do that because he is a good person. I feel like a shmuck.
Second. This whole situaion as if it could not get any worse. My whole moving thing. I have not had time to pack anything so far. I planned on moving out by like wednesday and i have nothing packed. Nor have i had the time. I do not know how I am going to get any of this done. And he still needs to get his shit out. And I dont want him to get any more pissed than he already is...but I have no choice. THe only time I have to pack is times like right now when I slept all day because i was tired from work so now I am up. SO when I am done writing this I am going to pack some stuff...but this is why I am staying here. And I should not have to justify my staying here...especially when he said take all the time you need. But i feel like i am pissing him off by staying here...who fucking knows. I should not care at all. He obviously doesnt about me. I dont want to be like this.
Third. The only good outcome of this entire thing is i think I am losing weight! lol Not for the right reaons but I think i am. My pants feel a little looser. lol I cant eat anything without it making me sick...lol so i might get a bit skinnier before i have to go out there and find myself another jack off to leave me in the dust a couple years later! lol that was the anger talking right htere!
Fourth...everyone gets a kick out of my bitter angry attitude i have at the world right now. I make others laugh which is good right? lol And my alcohol consumption is up...which is good right? I think one of the reasons dana left is because he wanted the whole party life party scene back and here I have it right here at the house where he lived with me! I have been drunk more times in the past couple weeks that I probably have been for the past 6 months with him. And his says this whole break up thing is what is best for me. I do not think it is better for me if I am drinking more...sometimes smoking(I know bad ciggarettes are bad...but they taste good when you are really drunk! lol) and i need not mention kellie and her driving skills sometimes...lol At least I am having fun right? Oh well.
I think the Raliegh trip is going to be first week of November. That was what I could get with Mo at work so...Raliegh here I come. Gives me something to look forward to in this hellish life I am living right now! lol What can you do? I do not know why but I am like exhausted today. I have not been able to sleep or even felt really tired since the whole dana thing...but today I am actually tired...not just wanting to sleep so i can avoid the thoughts...lol Sleepy sleepy. Well I better be on my way. Need to give my patents at least one box to take with them when they come down wednesday to get my stuff. I think I am going to have to stay here thursday and Friday and do some seriouse pakcing....Night night
current mood:  sleepy
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, September 9th, 2006
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2:31 am - fun night
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I went to the wedding...today....well now it was yesterday. It was sad seeing the whole ceremony thing because I was like that should have been me in a couple months...and i cried a little during the one slow dance....but then....I had fun. Alot of people from work were there and we had a lot of fun. A BUNCH OF FUN!!! I got a little intoxicated...but i think i deserve it after what I have been through lately. We then headed to the after party at Krizza's house. Krizza is my boss. I gave him that nickname! lol :) We had fun. And Krizza's dog Rogan was there. I love that dog. I think I may have mentioned him before. When I get a chance I will upload some of the pictures that I took. My friend Kellie has some really good ones that she is going to send me too! So over all it was a good time. I tried packing some things up last night. It is horrible I really cannot believe that he left me here to just clean up this mess. And really he made this mess...I think he should really make the bed that he slept in here. This crap is BS. Here I am upset because my fiancee who i thought loved me broke my heart and broke up with me. And I have to sift through both of our crap and find all my stuff. I really do not think I will ever forgive him for that. He is being such a coward about this whole situation. And how on earth could he sleep with someone else already. Did nothing we have ever mean anything to him. ANyhow I am going to head to bed. No need to ruin a good night by thinking about that big fat jerk. Hopefully I can get some sleep. I have been having a hard time sleeping with all this going on....then everyone calls constantly...so....I appreciate their thoughts...but just call once...not ten times a day! lol. I guess I should just be glad they all care! Thank you everyone! NIght night
current mood:  tired
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, September 1st, 2006
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6:24 pm - I stole this from cassie
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6 November 1981
Your date of conception was on or about 13 February 1981 which was a Friday. (actually it was the 14th....my mom told me...it was valentines day! lol)
You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 9.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444914.5.
The golden number for 1981 is 6.
The epact number for 1981 is 24.
The year 1981 was not a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/5/1981 and ending 1/24/1982.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rooster.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Snake; your plant is Thistle.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Tyby, the first month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 9 Heshvan 5742.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 19 April 1981.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 26 April 1981.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 4 March 1981.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 7 June 1981.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 14 June 1981.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 29 September 1981.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Sunday, 19 April 1981.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 3 March 1981.
As of 9/1/2006 6:26:50 PM EDT
You are 24 years old.
You are 298 months old.
You are 1,295 weeks old.
You are 9,065 days old.
You are 217,578 hours old.
You are 13,054,706 minutes old.
You are 783,282,410 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Pat Tillman (1976) Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (1972) Ethan Hawke (1970)
Maria Shriver (1955) Glenn Frey (1948) Sally Field (1946)
Mike Nichols (1931) Walter Perry Johnson (1887) James Naismith (1861)
John Philip Sousa (1854)
Top songs of 1981
Physical by Olivia Newton-John Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
Endless Love by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie Arthur's Theme by Christopher Cross
Kiss On My List by Daryl Hall & John Oates Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield
I Love a Rainy Night by Eddie Rabbitt 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton
Private Eyes by Daryl Hall & John Oates Rapture by Blondie
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.54794520547945 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 66 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 25 candles.
Those 25 candles produce 25 BTUs,
or 6,300 calories of heat (that's only 6.3000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.86 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1981 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1981 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1981 in the US there were 2,438,000 marriages (10.6%) and 1,219,000 divorces (5.3%)
In 1981 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1981 the population of Australia was approximately 15,054,117.
In 1981 there were approximately 235,842 births in Australia.
In 1981 in Australia there were approximately 113,905 marriages and 41,412 divorces.
In 1981 in Australia there were approximately 109,003 deaths.
Your birthstone is Citrine
The Mystical properties of Citrine
Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Yellow Topaz, Pearl, Diamond
Your birth tree is
Walnut Tree, the Passion
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.
There are 115 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 128 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.
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Monday, August 28th, 2006
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7:26 pm - He doesn't even miss me
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So today I realized it has been a week since I left and Dana has not called me once. Granted I have not called him either. I have wanted to each and everyday...I have just been trying to give him his space. Why doesn't he miss me???/ :( Four years with him each and everyday...and nothing? Oh dear I am so sad today. My dad works tonight so I am going to be in the house by myself all night. I am dreading it. I slept all day because I did not get done with work today until 9am and did not get home til 10 and then took a shower before going to bed. Oh lord please help me get through this....I am going now to find something to do...wish me luck.
current mood: disappointed
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dscrappy55's journal
